I Haven't Had Sex In Three Years (Here's Why I Am Letting You Know)

Over the weekend I posted something on me personal Facebook page that created a stir. Here it is:

I have not had sex in three years. Not that I'm counting. Well, maybe I am. How can I say I'm not counting if I just did the math. I've never gone this amount of days/months/years/ without having sex, unless you count the first eighteen years of life. Am I complaining? A little. But mostly I am just noting a fact. And noticing that I've survived without it. Sometimes even thrived. I send these words in a time capsule directed to my trembling teenage self when he thought ending viginity was the secret to building confidence: "Dude, you are a valid, lovable, and precious human being, and getting laid, which will happen sooner than you think, will be icing on the cake: a celebration, not a validation of your manhood. You are here to penetrate the world with your love, and you will do so with your huge, throbbing, pulsating organ in the center of your chest. Sex, like everything else in this world, will come and go. Just make sure that when it comes, you get vocal with your joy, and direct all praise loudly to God!

Most of my Facebook friends appreciated the post. One person wrote back:

Really? You put this on an open forum website?? Gotta wonder WHY!

I thought my response to her might be helpful for people who struggle with finding the courage to express vulnerability in a world that might not seem to value it.

One can wonder that. One can also wonder why not? A WONDER-FUL thing about the world we share is that it is filled with a variety of people with a variety of different styles, beliefs, and frames of references. I do respect your right to privacy. Let me explain to you why I don't respect mine so much. I practice a spiritual teaching called a Course in Miracles. One of the daily lessons is: In My Defenselessness My Safety Lies. The 12 Steps also teach: We are as sick as our secrets. For me, I just find that as I practice transparency, even on public forums like facebook, the amount of love and kindness that comes back at me is often staggering. Why would I deprive myself of such support and intimacy? This kind of sharing also helps me release shame, and help others drop their shame. And it sometimes tends to weed out people in my life that don't really belong. And, who knows, it might also lead to sex!

Hope this was helpful!

Warmly,

Scott