Welcome!


Welcome!

I so appreciate you finding your way here. May our association help both of us dive deeper into the healing currents of love's presence.

Let's begin with two songs of mine, Teach Me How To Love, and It Takes Courage. They will get you in the mood....

1. http://ia700404.us.archive.org/10/items/TeachMeHowToLove_725/01TeachMeHowToLove.mp3

2. http://ia700400.us.archive.org/4/items/ItTakesCourage/08ItTakesCourage.mp3

(sample more at www.scottsongs.com)


Thursday, October 23, 2014

Something More Personal

Dear Friends,

Some of you reported to me that you did not get this email, and I relaize the reasons may have been technical on my end. Having dfixed them, here it is again:

About a year ago I sent out an email and a Facebook message to thousands, basically saying that my life was falling apart, please send money, prayers, hugs, and flowers, in that order! I had mixed feelings about that share. I had a great deal of shame and about going public with my pain, but it was also so freeing to come out from behind the curtain and reveal myself to be not a wizard with his life all together, but a fellow human going though a hard patch and asking for some help. An outpouring of love and support returned to me, and now, one year later, it seems  a good time to check in with everyone and once again share more personally about my journey.

Basically, in August of last year my relationship partner of ten years ended it. The stakes were high, and her choice came out of the blue. We had a daughter between us that was four years old. I was shocked. Devastated.  I would have preferred we enter therapy and get support, perhaps parting ways in the end, but after getting some outside help and having the decision be more mutual and peaceful. But this was her choice, she had reached her completion point, and so it was.

And so I grieved.

I grieved full time for more than a year, knowing that it would not have been in my best interest to pull myself up with my own bootstraps and use my will power to move on with my life. It was a season for mourning and clearing, for facing and embracing pain, pain that had been with me much longer than my adult life. As tempting as it was to blame my partner, my goodness, all she did was leave me with myself. The pain was in me. Had been. No blame. (Although that did not stop me from projecting!)

I became the town crier. I walked the streets crying openly and loudly, tapping the EFT tapping points while I walked, offering up my pain, not caring what others might think of me. How freeing!
Grieving was my full time job. Making money? I would have loved to, but it just wasn’t a priority at the time. It was time to peel my way down to a core level truth about me that I had not yet embraced totally: That I am good enough, lovable, complete, and can stand on my own two feet, in or out of a relationship.

And so, in the window of opportunity opened by my grief, I made conscious and purged an identity of unworthiness that had had me by my balls my whole life. Oh, I felt good enough while I was in the relationship, at least for the first eight years. I had a beautiful, kind, and awesome woman to call partner. But once she pulled away and let me go, the perception of myself as damaged goods returned with a vengeance. I tried all the ego bandaids for covering up self-hatred: dating and romancing others, (great for avoiding loneliness, but not for healing and awakening) sex-capades (great for in the moment pleasure, but not for long term happiness), making my former partner into an evil witch in my mind, feeling victimized, and other sorry superficial substitutes for self love.

I’m no longer grieving full time. It’s a part time job now, a few evening tears, some weekends and holidays. I am getting over and through the victim story, and seeing my part in the co-creation. And I am receiving a great deal of goodies from my willingness to dive deep into my shadow work.

One such blessing is that our daughter Aysia has a very present Daddy, and is having a very happy childhood. I am on board for the parenting journey in a way that I could not or would not be when I was in a relationship. I have her half the time, and the co-parenting is going smoothly. Being a Dad, something I once resisted as if my life depended upon it,  has turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I take no moments of my time with my daughter for granted.

Another blessing is that I have become more creative, productive, and helpful to others, both in terms of my new Spiritual Dr. Seuss material, my gigs, and my coaching practice.

When I announced to my entire list last year that my life was falling apart, I lost a few clients. That is understandable. I, myself, would not want to be coached by someone in the condition I was in. But as I have come full circle, my newer clients are getting so much more from me that I could have given a year or two ago. I notice that I am so much more compassionate and patient and loving with people who come to me for support. And my psychic and intuitive skills have gone through the roof. I guess all that grieving cleared a pipeline for more of my purpose to tunnel on through, And for that I am ever so grateful.

Many people sent me gifts of money a year ago, and I thank you so much for that. I bought a new guitar, which I badly needed. An IPad, which one can argue was not a need, but I am sure making good use of it, both professionally and personally. I also ‘bought’ some coaching/counseling, which was my deepest need. My goodness, if I hadn’t had weekly sessions with my coach/counselor I don’t know if I would have made it through. I needed someone to hold the light for me while I sobbed through the mess of my feelings, someone who could remind me that I wasn’t drowning in pain, I was relinquishing and releasing it. It was time for the courage to be weak and to purge pain, and I needed someone to be strong for me so I could fall apart. It has been said that only those who have the courage to fall apart find out how together they really are. This was my time.

Long after the gift money ran out I continued getting weekly support from a coach, and still do. It is helping me re-build and renew my life. How can I be a great coach if I do not let myself get coached?
One of the signposts that signaled for me that I was mostly on the other side of pain was the creation of my latest Spiritual Dr. Seuss poem:
The Story of Struggle and the Garden of Ease

That came through me in a few short months, easily and joyously, and it’s words, it’s message, and its frequency was something that is helping me define and clarify myself, my path, and my purpose on this planet. I am an ambassador of ease. When I am in my right mind, I live it, transmit it, and teach it with playfulness and gentleness. In my grief, I have learned to be gentle with myself in the darkest, deepest, scariest places, and have emerged with my heart full of love and so much renewed enthusiasm to serve.

Earlier this month I was a keynote speaker at a conference in North Carolina. I did what I did: a few songs, told some true stories from my life jouyrney, and shared three of my Spiritual Dr. Seuss poems. The 400 plus people in attendance were deeply touched, and blown away. Their response, appreciation, (and the book and CD Sales)  filled me with clarity and confirmed for me that I’m on my way, that the grief work was all worth it, and that a new Scott has emerged from it.
I thank you all so much for your support during this year of transition. I’m pretty connected to and aware of joy most days, most moments. I’m excited about my future. I trust the universe and God’s Plan, not my own.

I have no plans. Thank God.

It will be fun to see where all this leads. There are more poems, more books, many more gigs and travels. That used to make me frustrated with myself, God, and my process. Now I am excited, peaceful, and ever so patient, even though I can sense so many airplanes in the sky patiently circling the airport, waiting for the Divine Air Traffic Controller to say the time is now to land.

For now, I have landed, and it feels pretty damn good.

Please let me know if and how I can serve you.

Scott Grace is an intuitive life coach that has a blast playing Santa Claus all year 'round and giving away complementary thirty minute sessions. Say hello at info@scottsongs.com or call him at 415 721 2954 to schedule a session. In addition, he is the author of the book, Teach Me How To Love, a True Story that Touches Hearts and Helps with the Laundry! Check it out at Amazon. On YouTube he is the Spiritual Dr. Seuss and his address there is www.youtube.com/user/skalechstein

Monday, September 22, 2014

Healing the Sick, Raising the Dead, and Forgiving your Mother

Sunday afternoon, Sept 28th, from 2 to 5 PM, I’ll be offering a workshop at the Absolute Center that I’ve been doing all around the country for the past year, from St. Louis to NYC, from Wisconsin last weekend to as close to Santa Rosa this past March, but somehow have not gotten around to sharing it here in Marin where I live until now.

I call it Healing the Sick, Raising the Dead, and Forgiving Your Mother!

It’s a workshop offering mental, emotional, physical and spiritual healing, where I extend my intuitively guided methodology of EFT tapping, as well as healing songs born in the moment that zero in on whoever has asked for support and addresses what they most need to hear and to feel and to receive. The song medicine  I specifically channel for you, called a Song Portrait, gets recorded and sent to you priority email the next day, right into your inbox. That goes for $200  in an individual session, and you get it at the workshop for $40.

My favorite way of describing the workshop is by letting you in on how the strange title was born.

Although I’ve been offering workshops since 1987, I first led this particular one in St. Louis last summer in August, as part of a Course in Miracles retreat I was co-leading for the St. Louis Miracles Council. The combination of EFT tapping, channeled songs for healing, and the support of a group adding their energy to each person’s work with me was indeed a powerful combo. The first person who chose to get some attention had been in chronic back pain for over twenty years. Before that she had been a professional dancer. After experiencing a major shift while working with me on some deep issues (back pain is often the accumulated stored burden of carrying other people on your back), I asked her to try dancing in front of the group of over 100 participants. I asked her to dance with me. She did. Beautifully. Miraculously. And her joy was so palpable. After the weekend she reported to me that she was still pain-free, that she was having her best nights of sleeping in years, and that she was still dancing.

Wow!

Going back to the workshop, the next person who worked with me was challenged by chronic fatigue syndrome. Again, I took her back to a core issue I was guided to address, with EFT and a song. She, too,  had a powerful release of energy. Then the next person said, “Scott, I want your help with something that would indeed be a miracle: Forgiving my mother!” She did get that help and was able to enjoy some significant freedom from the chains of resentment and a lifetime of mother wounding she had been carrying.

Hence, the title of the workshop was born within those first three participants who had asked for support: Healing the Sick, Raising the Dead, and Forgiving Your Mother!

Please come to the workshop expecting a miracle. Bring anything that burdens or troubles or ails you, no matter how intense or hopeless you feel about it. Or how long you have been suffering. If a room has been dark for four days or forty years, it matters not. When you find the light switch, the light comes on, and everything changes.

There are no limits when it comes to healing, because there are no limits when it comes to the power of God, and how much He/She/It/ loves and supports you.

Sign up for the workshop here. Sign up for both the workshop and the concert the night before and get a ten dollar discount:

Scott Grace Concert and Workshop Registration

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Robin Williams and Me

Robin, we will miss you. I will miss you.

On one of my business cards, it describes me as a cross between Eckhart Tolle, John Denver, and Robin Williams.  I did not come up with that myself. It was laid upon me, more than once, by people trying to describe what I do at my concerts.

I have always loved Robin Williams. One time I got to open up for him at the Throckmorton Theatre in Mill Valley. I was experimenting with stand-up comedy in those days, and this was my crowning achievement in that world.

In the Green Room before the show, we met. We ate Thai food and joked around together. He couldn't stop talking about himself, and that was OK by me. I was fascinated, and took him in on a deep level. Instantly, I picked up that he was a tortured individual, trapped by his own aching empathy for all the pain in the world, troubled by so much, and unable to truly receive the love that came his way.

I saw that he performed, yes, out of love and joy, but also partly because he felt unlovable just being himself.

I so related to him.

Robin was a role model for me, both of how brilliant we humans can be when we let Spirit work through us without hesitation, and also of how much I need to make self-care and self-love more important than talent, fame and fortune.

Without that commitment, I, too, have that self-destruct potential in me, and I have to work consciously each day to honor my sensitivity and channel it to help nurture myself and others.

I, along with so many around the world, am grieving and honoring Robin's passing.

I have been visited by his guides and it seems, in touch with his Spirit, and am offering whatever help I can give to ease and make gentle his transition.

Robin has, sadly, been a demonstration for me of how little money and success have to do with happiness and peace.

May he be at peace, and take as long as a break that he needs from his next performance.

Sincerely,
Scott Grace

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Handle YourSelves with Care

Treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong.

-Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way


I was working with a client last week and found myself suggesting that she listen to her inner critic/self-doubting voice like it was a member of her esteemed board of advisers.

I had been doing this for years, and it is so cool. Try it. Practice listening to the critic with non-resistance, respect its opinion, take in its message as if it had wisdom, and thank it for sharing. Then, invite it to sit back down and be quiet. It will, when it feels heard. All parts of you want to contribute and be heard. The trick is seeing and feeling yourself as the CEO, the one with the ultimate power in the company. Often the critic has some gold in its criticism for you, though it speaks in a shaming tone of consciousness. But whether or not it has gold, the main thing is to stop resisting it, give it your full attention, and then you are free to listen to other, more loving members of your Advisory Board, like your Higher Self!

How can I give this kind of advice? What are my credentials? What qualifies me is that I have long since stopped pretending that I don't hear voices. I do. I'm sure there are plenty in there, but I tend to focus on a trio, and I’ve named the big three affectionately: The Critic, Swami Scott, and Little Scott.


The loudest voice, the one with the megaphone is the critic. The critic thinks that critical thinking is intelligence, and that it can and must protect me in a harsh world. The critic protects by constantly drawing attention to what is seemingly wrong - wrong with other people, the world, and especially myself.

I became interested in the history of the critic. Tracing back my critic’s family tree, I found out that the first of its ancestors came to America with the Pilgrims on the Mayflower. Historians noted that the critic was often seen in the back of the ship, gazing in Europe’s direction, muttering things like, “This was a big mistake. We should have stayed home. We should have known better!” (The critic is quite fond of the word should.)


The critic learned about life from watching too much tunnel-vision, fixated on the only two channels it was capable of tuning into: black or white,  right or wrong, good or bad. Left to himself, he would continue to watch his black and white set all day long, enjoying being in remote control of how he pictures life. But lucky for us, we have Swami Scott to guide the critic away from his old programs. Swami Scott is a still, small voice of guidance and support connected to Universal Love that we’ve been learning to listen to over the years. When the critic barks at us in his usual righteous tone, “You did that wrong again! You’ll never be good enough!”, Swami Scott might switch off his TV and take him outside to gaze at nature. “Look, Mr. Critic.” (The critic listens best when respectfully called “Mr.”)  “Look at all these different bushes and flowers. None of them are exactly alike. Are any of them right? Are any wrong? Are there any mistakes or flaws in nature? And aren’t we a part of nature?”


Swami Scott’s main job besides pacifying the critic is to take good care of Little Scott. Without  loving guidance, Little Scott tends to get himself in trouble. He might choose to eat things that taste great going down, but feel heavy in the belly for hours later. He might run across the street without looking both ways for cars. He has even been known to run and dive heart-first into the deep waters of a relationship, which is usually not such a good idea without Swami Scott slowing him down, using discernment, pacing his strokes and keeping him afloat.

The Swami is a wise and powerful being who lives somewhere between our eyebrows. Swami Scott has only one disciple, me, and he encourages complete inner-dependency. After taking many workshops and seminars, and studying with other swamis, personal contact with Swami Scott is one of my life's greatest joys. I sit at his feet in confidence, knowing I never need fear giving him my power. He is my power!

And now to introduce Little Scott. We used to think that being an adult meant not being childlike or vulnerable anymore. But look into any adult’s heart and you will find a child in there, no matter how hidden in a grown up they appear to have packaged themselves. My inner child is a sensitive, playful, brilliantly creative and exquisitely loving child of God. He feels life to the fullest. When I let him have his feelings, he can feel joy, sadness, anger, hurt, fear, regret, love and ecstasy, sometimes all in the passing of five minutes.


But he can also hide really well from those feelings if he thinks he is not safe, if he thinks he is going to be judged for being too sensitive, or too vulnerable.


For much of life Little Scott did not feel safe to feel. Parents, teachers, other kids, and the inner critic all seemed to gang up on him and contribute to his not having a safe space to have emotions. So the kid learned to make it in the world by hiding and pretending, which led to many years of substance abuse. The disconnection from feelings went deep. I even found spiritual pursuits could be used to numb out. My first ten years of meditation, though helpful in many ways, were also used as a form of emotional anesthesia for the layers of pain my inner child carried.


What Little Scott needed was to ask Swami Scott to listen to his feelings, with empathy and acceptance. The child needed a loving presence, a consistent inner friend who would be there for him without judgment or diagnosis. Little Scott tried to find that love through relationships. Women would come and go, but the emptiness of not having his own inner connection would return. In that emptiness he cried out, asking for love and nurturing in the only ways he knew how. He cried through addiction. He cried by not letting the adult Scott reach his goals. He cried until the criticism, the constant high-speed busyness, or other forms of self-abandonment would stop and Swami Scott would come into his consciousness for a loving bedside chat.


Those chats have become pretty special. During those times the Swami listens compassionately to the little guy, cradling him tenderly while he shares, making a safe space for tears, fears, anger and joy to be felt. Tissues are on hand, and the critic stays out of the room. This is where I am learning about the power of acceptance, simply being and hearing where I am at without trying to fix or change things.


As I cease pushing and judging myself, feelings come up to be felt and are released as part of a natural cleansing process. Little Scott becomes lighter and freer. He feels handled with care. A sense of safety returns, which allows his heart to open and express love. He gets a familiar twinkle back in his eyes, a light by which Swami Scott and Little Scott co-create, work/play together in love and service, sharing joy and inspiration with others.


And so it is that that serving mankind and womankind starts with being kind and connected to yourself. Or selves. It takes courage. In a culture that teaches us that strength is about force, say, grabbing a bull by its horns, it takes courage to gaze at yourself in the mirror and say, “I will not fight.” It takes courage to walk the path of non-resistance, to be a peaceful warrior in a world where the status quo has not yet learned to value the power of gentleness and vulnerability.

But the rewards are so juicy: You get to retain and enjoy your innocence, your golden child-heart.

This is my dream, and I invite you to join me: that more and more of us negotiate a cease fire with our inner critics, that we treat our inner kids to a lasting, lifelong happy childhood, and that we handle ourselves, each other, and our world with the utmost care and respect.




Handle Yourself With Care

Once I thought by now I’d be

Mr. Functionality

Perfect and complete in every way

But I still get lost and then get found

As I walk this sacred stumbling ground

I need to reassure me, I’m O.K.

I’m all grown-up the world can see

But that is just one side of me

I’m also a tender child finding my way

I sometimes fumble in the dirt

I have a heart that can be hurt

And so I hear a voice within me say

Handle yourself with care

There’s a precious child of God in there



There’s a judge inside that’s sometimes strong

Convinced I’m doing my whole life wrong

So quick to rise up to my prosecution

But as I grow it’s getting clear

The judge is just a voice of fear

And gentleness my only real solution

For how can the child in me feel safe

If I’m trying to whip myself in shape?

There must be another way to grow

The petals of my heart open in a loving self-environment

A flower grows and blooms

When it’s given the room

So handle yourself with care

There’s a precious child of God in there



And so I live life day to day

Some obstacles get in my way

And though I groan I see the strength that’s birthed

I still get lost and then get found

As I walk this sacred stumbling ground

But life is getting sweeter on this earth

Reaching out to make heart connections

Making my peace with imperfection

Finding out the world needs what I have to give

For as I love the child in me

 My heart extends so naturally

I can lend the world my shoulder

When my cup is running over

So handle yourself with care

There’s a precious child of God in there


*ScottSongs 1995



Scott Grace, www.scottsongs.com,  is a life coach, singer/songwriter, recording artist, speaker, minister, workshop leader, and in general, a miracle minded mischief maker. A pioneer in the field of intuitive song, Scott is known for his unique ability to spontaneously create ‘Song Portraits’ for individuals, groups, conferences and businesses about any topic presented. He travels both nationally and in Europe, speaking and singing at conferences, churches, workshops, schools, weddings, etc. His nine compact discs are full of positive, life affirming songs for adults and children. To request a catalog or for booking information please contact Scott at (415) 721-2954 or e-mail him at  scott@scottsongs.com.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Resistance is Futile - An Upcoming Bay Area House Concert

If you live in the Bay area and you are free to attend to my upcoming house concert on Saturday, Feb 1st in San Rafael, but you are noticing you might have some resistance, please review the following..... the details about the concert are towards the bottom as you scroll down...

Your Resistance To Attending My Concert - And My Re-Buttals To Get You Off Your Butts

(with thanks to Katie Darling (www.theinfinitewave.com) for the concept...


#1) There is too much pain and heaviness going on in my life and in the world right now to laugh, lighten up, and be silly.

Letting the weight of the world fall off your shoulders is part of both your personal healing and your service to others! Emmanuel says: "There is nothing that transforms darkness more quickly than a festivity right in the middle of it." Do you add any healing to the world by taking it all so seriously? You can curse the darkness or light a candle. Come to the concert and be a candle!

#2) It's so much easier to stay home and watch TV for my entertainment.

TV brings you numbness and escape, and a concert with yours truly brings you to LIFE! And, by the way, there will be popcorn at hand at the concert. And, even better, since I am a channel, you can channel surf at the concert by making song requests and ordering me around (musically that is). I will always sing on demand when you push my buttons and honor requests for me to change channels, so bring your metaphoric remote control and come.

#3) I can't afford it.

$20 is out of reach? Is that true? Can you know it's true? Or is unworthiness or lack of self love masquerading as responsible budgeting! Do you once in a while spend $25 or much more on a gourmet meal at a great restaurant to treat yourself and/or a loved one? Of course you do. This will be a gourmet concert that will feed your soul, and your spiritual/emotional tummy will be filled and satisfied for a long long time. This meal will be gluten free, easy to digest, and will support you in losing tons of emotional weight, all in two hours of passive enjoyment. Chew on that before convincing yourself you can't afford it! Treat yourself to a treat. You deserve it!


#4) It's too far to drive.

Really? Give us a break, you're not THAT old yet!


#5) I'll stay in the moment, wait to the last-minute and then get a feeling/guidance that I'm not in the mood or it's not right for me.

Ah yes, we spiritual people love to play this trick of the ego to avoid new experiences, joy, and expanded aliveness. Bring your sluggish, moody, apprehensive body and experience a lift and a surge of joy that will make you want to dance and skip all the way home. And if you really want to challenge yourself and heal your fear of commitment, you can actually make plans and register in advance! Now that's radical - practically against the law in these here parts.


#6) I'll feel exposed and awkward, and I won't be able to hide.

Yes, you will be exposed to love, joy, laughter and to healing. You will find it a very safe space. You may even discover you really don't want to hide. But you can if that is your desire. Your boundaries will be honored.

#7) I need some time to myself.

I know this one so well. I've used it much more often to coddle my fears and nurse my sense of separation than to authentically meet a need. You decide. But I promise you this: Coming to my concert will be time between you and your Divine Self. And it will fill you up big time.


#8) I'll be out of town.

If you already have plans that take you out of the area over the Feb 1st weekend, then you might just have a legitimate reason for not showing up. If this is the case, please disregard all of the above and have a great weekend elsewhere.



THE CONCERT DETAILS

An optional potluck is happening and starts at 5:00 PM. Come and chow down with Scott and friends. Bring something healthy, please.

The concert will begin at 7:00 PM so please try to arrive and be seated by 6:50 PM. It goes for at least two hours, usually more.

RSVP to Bobbi@ryalsjobs.com and please cc scott@scottsongs.com

FEE: $20 per person, payable by cash or check made out to Scott Grace at the door.

Date: Saturday February 1st    

5 pm Pot Luck    7:00 pm Concert

Location: 120 La Alondra Ct.

San Rafael, 94903


Monday, December 16, 2013

Shame Off You! - The Journey Back To The Garden

'You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself!'

-Somebody From Your Past  (Hopefully not your present.)

Question: Why is public speaking the number one fear of humanity, a fate worse than death for many people?

Answer: The nightmare of being publicly shamed. It's about shame, folks. And where there is shame, there is anxiety. And perhaps all anxiety is performance anxiety.

Performance anxiety has paralyzed many a human being from expressing themselves, and not just sexually and artistically. The anxiety comes from the following linking in our thinking: Our performance-ability equals our lovability. The end of anxiety, Viagra not withstanding, comes from releasing the belief that we must perform to be loved. The remedies that facilitate the healing are self-love and a commitment to being authentic. Both involve getting some practice at facing, embracing, and releasing shame.

Performance anxiety comes easy to me. I am a performer by trade, one who deals with an abundance of anxiety, both on and especially off the stage. My greatest challenge in my intimate relationships is remembering to cease performing. In my original family unit, being myself didn’t seem to work all that well, so I learned other ways to get my needs met. Performance, which started as a coping mechanism, evolved into a successful career. Becoming an entertainer sprung forth from the belief that simply being who I am was not enough. I have seen it time and time again with others as well... our wounds become the doorway for our larger gifts to emerge.

Pretending to be someone I’m not in order to be accepted and liked by others has been a full time gig, and most of my life I was not even conscious that I was working it. Now I am at a place where I can see what I am doing when I’m hiding behind a facade, seducing others with talent or charm, or withholding a truth to not rock the boat. Like seals in captivity, I learned to pass through hoops to get the fish. Only I’m beginning to realize I’m not in captivity. And the first step towards claiming my freedom is awareness.

When I become aware that I’m acting out an old pattern, if I sidestep shame, I can celebrate. What was once unconscious is becoming conscious. Soon, in God’s perfect timing, the inspiration and willingness will arise to leave behind the old and step into something new. If I beat myself up, I slow the process down and suffer my guilt. But if I simply observe the pattern from a neutral place, the light of my non-judgmental awareness begins to transform it. Modern physics has rediscovered that the observer changes the observed just by witnessing it. This is also the alchemical solution to dissolving old, unwanted beliefs and behaviors: observation without the shame and judgment.

In addition to celebration, I choose to grieve what the lack of authenticity has been costing me... loss of self-esteem, loss of connection with others, and being out of harmony with my own values. I give myself compassion for my deep longing to be liked by others, to avoid being criticized and abandoned. And I affirm in gentle tones that I can survive and even thrive without the validation of others, that I no longer have to perform to be loved, and that I am worthy of love just for who I am. In other words, I stop abandoning myself.

A while back I was talking to a new friend, and she asked me what it was in my relationship history that women haven’t ‘gotten’ about me. I had trouble answering, and after watching me squirm for a few moments she volunteered a guess. “Scott, you lead with your sensitivity, and all the men I’ve ever met who do that have rage in their shadow. I think that what women haven’t understood is that you can be a real angry son-of-a-bitch sometimes.” I laughed uproariously, and told her she was right-on. It felt so freeing - and frightening! - to know that someone could see past my Spiritual Sensitive Guy, and was inviting me to acknowledge a wider range of expression than what I usually put out to others.

Trying to be nice all the time is like stocking your kitchen just with sweets. What about cooking spicy once in a while? I've been in relationships where my fears of loss and abandonment were stronger than my commitment to expressing my truth and taking care of myself. I put my partner’s feelings before my own, and we both suffered from it.

Yes, there are ways of being spicy that can damage the delicate thread of intimate relationships,  but there are also ways that are likely to contribute to connection. Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication has helped me learn both the consciousness and the language of self-responsibility, emotional honesty, and compassion. More information about his work can be found by visiting www.cnvc.org.

I also have a kindred spirit friend named Marina Smerling who teaches NVC and is somewhat of a shame release specialist. Her email museletter is called the Shameless Heart and I highly suggest you consider signing up at www.shamelessheart.com.

Lately I have been observing how much seeking approval and validation from others has cost me in my adult life. I have kept all that pretty hidden from people, including myself, because I was embarrassed to be wanting something that I judged as so unspiritual. My evolution requires asking people for what I want openly instead of manipulatively. I am also learning to look at my thirst for external acceptance as a signal it is time for some internal loving, a time to flood my inner landscape with positive self-talk. Instead of judging myself for being needy, I am practicing meeting my needs by appreciating myself from within.

Unworthiness has got to be the ultimate state of pretending. When I believe that there is something about me that renders me unlovable, I am suffering from a profound case of mistaken identity. We are all innocent, precious and lovable children of God. No matter what. No exceptions. Part of what makes children so pure is that they are transparent, with no hidden agendas. Authenticity, then, is part of a pathway back to our true identity. We take the fig leaf off that we put on ages ago when we allowed the serpent (shame) to convince us that we had something to hide, and we journey together, back to the garden.


Scott Grace wears many hats. He is a counselor, coach, minister, inspirational speaker, recording artist and modern day troubadour. He travels through the United States, Canada and Europe giving concerts, talks and workshops, as well as presenting at conferences. Scott can be contacted at scott@scottsongs.com. His website, www.scottsongs.com, is an inspiring and playful place to visit.

 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

WARNING: Abundant Attention Happiness Disorder Is Fast Becoming An Epidemic!

Might you already be afflicted with AAHD?

There are more and more people exhibiting symptoms. They may greet you with a typical ‘how are you’, but something is very off when they ask. They actually look you in the eye and smile. They actually have time for you to respond. They actually want you to respond with more than a few words. They actually care.

Doctors are seeing more and more cases of AAHD, and it is reaching epidemic proportions. These people walk into offices with no complaints, just for a checkup. They read books, not just skim them. They play with their children. They have hobbies. They do foreplay, and cuddle and talk afterwards.

Many are severely underwhelmed by life, which is a term coined by noted AAHD researcher and sufferer, Scott Kalechstein Grace. He defines underwhelm as when life’s daily tasks and challenges have become so consistently manageable that a sense of overall stability takes over the human nervous system.

It is estimated that the entire continent of Australia is infected with AAHD, as evidence by the widespread daily usage of the perverted phrase, “No worries. mate.”

AAHD starts in childhood, when well-meaning parents, probably AAHD sufferers themselves, begin to give their children an abundance of eye contact, presence, and warm, loving attention. These children are often deprived of TV and video games and made to spend time outside in nature, interacting with other children, animals and trees. More often than not, blood tests of young AAHD sufferers reveal a pronounced sugar and processed food deficiency.

Successful treatment of this disorder begins with a steady and disciplined diet of fast food, three basic microwaved meals per day, supplemented with plenty of candy and soft drinks. Meals should be served in front of a television or a computer, to relieve the temptation to indulge in ‘family time’, where bonding may unwittingly occur. Parents are encouraged to ‘get a life’, and not spend so much time with their children.

Thanks to modern and efficient portable communication devices, most people, while engaged in a phone conversation, are also preparing a meal, typing an email, driving a car, and sometimes even making love. AAHD sufferers are often found ‘single-tasking’, which is a term for the primitive practice of doing only one thing at a time. In some of the most advanced cases, the diseased have been known to wait patiently on the phone while on a long hold, without any engagement in any other activity, except perhaps some singing or whistling.

If you have been reading this article all the way to the bottom without doing anything else you may be suffering from AAHD. If so, stay away from www.scottsongs.com, where you would find resources, songs, books, etc. that will surely take you down the rabbit hole of becoming present, centered, joyful, and at ease with life.