A Twelve Step Program For Surviving a Trump Presidency

My daughter had been so looking forward to the first female president.

I saw her the day after Trump won, and asked if she wanted to talk.

I imagined she felt disappointed, frustrated, and a little frightened.

She did not want to talk. She wanted to build a fairy house instead.

I felt annoyed at her for avoiding difficult feelings about a difficult subject.

Seven years old, and I was expecting her to adhere to my ideas of emotional intelligence forged from decades of therapy.

She started building a fairy house.

I was not ready to let go of talking about the election.

But at least I recognized that it was my need, not hers. 

I told her that I was feeling disappointed, frustrated, and yes, scared.

I asked her if she could stop for a moment and give me a hug.

We hugged, and that comforted me.

Then I started judging myself for revealing my fear to someone whom was looking to me for her sense of safety, as well as her definition of things.

Then I graduated to worrying about how my needyness might be  screwing her up.

 Finally I had enough of my ego's endless drama, got down on my knees, and helped her build a fairy house.

I imagine lots of us are feeling disappointed, frustrated, and yes, scared by the prospects of a Trump Presidency.

I’d like to speak some soothing words to the parts of me that are trembling, as we all grapple with finding the serenity to accept the things we can’t change, the courage to blah, blah, blah…

I’m beyond being soothed by slogans right now.

What am I in the mood for is a new twelve step program, 
twelve ideas that might serve as stepping stones to higher ground as we recover from earthquake aftershocks to find acceptance of what is.

So here goes:

A Twelve Step Program For Surviving a Trump Presidency

1) Honor your grief. Acknowledge that you are powerless over the election results. Go through the stages. They do not necessarily show up in size order, but the general idea is: 1. Shock & Denial  2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance

Tears that are not shed dry up inside and harden into disowned shadow, insensitivity to others, and an absence of vulnerability.

Want a good example of someone who has built up a lifetime of unprocessed grief? Donald Trump!

2) Whatever qualities you think Donald lacks, give more of them.

A) See him lacking kindness? Be extra kind to yourself and those around you.

B) See him as someone who always has to be right? Don’t match his energy! Don’t insist on being right about how wrong he is. Look with mindfulness at your own attachment to being right, and choose to be happy instead.

C) See him as someone who is not able to respect people he disagrees with?  Listen deeply to people with opposing opinions, and see how they have the same needs as yourself, just different strategies about how to go about getting their needs met. 

Find that common ground where you both human….
 
 
3) Remind yourself that you are the President of your United States. You are the leader of your free world. You have both houses of congress behind every thought you think. You can cultivate peace in your inner nation, even with Donald Trump as President. Choose your attitude. Don't let it be chosen for you.

4) Hold your loved ones close. Tell them that it is in times of sadness and in the toughest of days where we often find our true mettle. (From a tweet by George Takei, the actor who played Sulu in Star Trek.)

5) Within our hearts we know the society we wish to live in. No one can take that vision from us. We are each of us keepers of that promise. (Sulu tweets again!)

6)  Remember this: Our country has seen wars and grave injustices, slavery and even civil war in its past. Yet we found our way through. We will now, too. (My last Sulu tweet.)

7) Own your power. Voting for Donald is an anguished cry for help, a 911 call made by masses of folks who are feeling powerless in their lives. Don’t be one of them. Do not give Donald Trump, nor any other person, your power.

8)  Do something. Anything. Anger without action is self-destructive. But, with constructive action, anger helps change the world for the better. Here's the antidote to despair and depression: Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, focus on what you do want, and find some action step to take.  You might be inspired to political activism. Or to set up a monthly recurring donation to Planned Parenthood. Is there a blog post inside you to write?  Do something. Anything. Rise up. Or get down on your knees and help a child build a fairy house.

9)  Fear Not!  Donald feels threatened by Mexicans and Muslims. Don’t feel threatened by Donald Trump. Let the buck stop here. Only your ego can feel threatened, project blame, and build walls. So build bridges instead. Leave acting out the ego to Donald Trump. 


For many of us, Donald being President is like the second coming of our worst fears. But if it wasn’t Donald it would be something or someone else. Fear always finds something to attach itself to. 

And fear is always Forgetting Everything is All  Right. 

For potent and poetic fear busting, watch on YouTube as I, the Spiritual Dr. Seuss, recite: The Story of Fear and it's Grand Departure from Your Nervous System

10) Take Up Drinking! Now that Donald is going to be president, you have a duty to drink in copious amounts of Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee, Trevor Noah, James Corden, Seth Meyers, John Oliver, Bill Maher, and other comedians who help us laugh. If, like me, you don't have a television, you can watch clips on YouTube. 

The world is not going insane... it has always been. So laugh it up. Get those endorphins going. 

You can't laugh and be fearful at the same time.

11) Welcome Major Changes. I studied with a spiritual teacher in the1980’s named Hilda Charlton. She had the gift of prophecy, and saw things about the future that have been coming true before my eyes ever since. Over and over again she warned us that external institutions built on fear and greed would eventually collapse, including entire financial and political systems. 

She saw all of it coming.

She reminded us that there would be a higher purpose to it all, that from it would come rebirth and renewal. She stressed repeatedly that we were made for these times.

Those of us who have faced major changes in our personal life, who have lost houses, security, incomes, mates, or have faced life threatening illnesses, can look back and see how those calamities turned out to be blessings in disguise, divine earthquakes that shook our foundations enough to get what is false inside us to crumple.

Could Donald be global medicine bitter enough that the whole world’s immune system kicks in and says enough!?!

In Chinese, the word ‘crisis' is made up of two words, danger and opportunity. 

These are indeed interesting times.


12) Grab people by the heart, not the pussy. 

I had a chance to put this into practice just now, while taking a coffee break.
   
Writing this article was hard. I had to push past the urge to isolate and stew in my own despair.

Finishing it has been even harder.

I needed help, so I went to the local java hut in the hopes that some caffeine would jolt the rest of this out of me.

A Hispanic woman asked me what I wanted. 

Something completely unexpected came out of me, at a volume so everyone in the store could hear me.

“I want to tell you that I love you, you belong here, and that I will never let you or your family be deported.”  

“Thank you for saying that. I love you too. We are a community. We need each other.”

We both fumbled around for what to do or say next.

I managed to remember that I came in for coffee.

But what I really came in for, what we all came in for, is to remember and demonstrate the power of love over fear.

To take care of each other.

And no president or political system can stop us. 

Ever.


Scott Grace is a life coach that is known on YouTube as the Spiritual Dr. Seuss. In addition, he creates and performs Song Portraits, custom made personalized songs that celebrate your loved ones, living or deceased. Explore his gifts at www.scottsongs.com