On My Last Relationship and the Importance of Getting Tune Ups for Your Relationship Just Like Your Car

The last relationship I was in lasted ten years, and produced a glorious child, who slipped in past the gates of birth control and blessed my life in ways I could only stumble to put words to.

In the early years of our relationship, my partner and I went on couples retreats once a year, with my dear friends and mentors, Joyce and Barry Vissell. We got all kinds of support from those retreats, and always came home with a sense of renewal about our connection.

I did the music for those retreats, and have done so going on twenty five years.

Then we had our daughter.

My partner started nursing school. I scrambled to play Mr. Mom and get gigs for the bills.

For a million good reasons, we are no longer going on retreats.

Too busy. Too stressed. Can't leave the baby. Financial pressures. You know the drill.

On these weekends, besides having loads of fun, Barry and Joyce teach couples the five most important practices to integrate into your relating, for preventive medicine and to nurture intimacy.

We stopped doing those practices. Again, for what seemed like good reasons.

How many of us were taught relationship skills and practices while growing up? Or in college?

Instead, we are taught that if you find the right person it should just work and be effortless. We take driving lessons to get a license, but when it comes to our relationships, or a marriage license, no education is needed.

Most of us do in relationships what was role modeled by our parents. Or, in rebellion, we do the exact opposite. Neither work.

We started drifting apart. At one point, I asked her what she thought was going on with us?

“Nothing that a Joyce and Barry weekend couldn’t fix," she replied.

We never got to another retreat. A year later we broke up.

This past December I asked my daughter what she most wanted for Christmas. She said for Mommy and Daddy to get back together. I tried holding and comforting her, but with tears streaming down my face, she ended up comforting me.

Would a retreat have turned things around?  I am not sure. We were going in different directions, and our paths were probably just not compatible anymore. But a retreat might have helped us complete our relationship more consciously, more amicably.

Maintaining loving relationships requires work. And skills. Maybe not in the honeymoon phase, when you are lifted together above your egos and get to taste the nectar of your soul connection. But when you come down to earth, and get down to the business of weaving your lives together in a grounded way, regular maintenance is required.

Like with our automobiles. Nobody would dream of owning a car without taking it in for regular oil changes and scheduled services.

Barry and Joyce workshops and retreats are like taking your relationship in for a tune up. Whether your relationship is running great and you want to brush up on your skills, or you have some work you know needs to be done under the hood, couples retreats are invaluable.

I am thrilled that Joyce and Barry are bringing me with them for the first time this year to add my musical and healing gifts to  their seven day couples retreat, February 5-12, on the Big Island of Hawaii.

From their website:  During these 7 days on the Big Island of Hawaii, you will not only open to more love and connection you thought possible, but you will have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home. We focus on seeing our partner with new eyes, healing dysfunctional patterns, communication of feelings, enhancing the sexual relationship, and practicing loving appreciation. We have couple yoga and meditations, inspiring music, laughter and thrilling sight-seeing – in short, an extraordinary heart-opening experience for you and your partner in the presence of dolphins, whales, giant sea turtles, a beautiful black sand beach, the nearby lava flow, steam vents, delightful snorkeling, and thermal warm ponds.

Please consider giving this gift of a retreat in Hawaii to your relationship.

They have room for several more couples.

It's not too late to jump in.

Click Here too find out more...

With Love,
Scott