The Beauty of Tears

 "In My Defenselessness My Safety Lies"

-A Course in Miracles


I have a personal beauty secret to reveal, something that makes both my skin and my heart youthful, radiant, and baby soft. It also doubles as my secret weight loss miracle formula. While applying this elixir in the last two months, I actually lost most of my beer belly, effortlessly, without changing my diet or giving up beer.

Full disclosure: My primary relationship over the last ten years has recently changed form, and the sadness I've allowed myself to feel around this change has helped me shed tons of emotional weight, as well as fifteen pounds of body fat. I've come through a dark night, and I feel so much lighter and brighter. The sun is shining again in my heart in a way that it hasn't in a long time.

My secret is simple: I cry. Often. When I’m sad. When I’m happy. When I’m touched by beauty. When I let myself fully receive love, or take in someone's appreciation.  Whether I’m grieving the illusion of a loss, or counting and celebrating my blessings, I love, love, love to cry!

I wasn’t always this way. I once was a typical prisoner of our culture, treating my feeling body and vulnerability as a weakness to be avoided. The cost of this protection plan was an over-active mind, a closed heart, and a lack of compassion for myself and others. I was emotionally removed from my life, a spectator in an ivory tower rather than a player on the field. This was not the detachment from the world that spiritual practices encourage us to develop. This was fear of feeling my feelings, fear of living, fear of loving.

Then, when I hit the ripe young age of 34, I had an earthquake of a vision, which led to a flood of healing. Very clearly I was able to see how judgment was running rampant in my life. My mind was filled with judgments, almost every moment of my waking day. Judging myself and others was how I thought I kept myself safe in the world.

An interesting thing happened when I allowed myself this new awareness. I began to cry. I cried for all the pain I was in that I had been too guarded from to even notice. I cried for the separation I felt from other people, from life, and especially from my own heart. I cried for all the years I had been too afraid to cry.

A wise therapist/guide held my hand during this process. As I sobbed through each session, he held space and did not try to make me feel better, thank God. Sometimes his support astonished me. He would say things like,  “Great job, Scott! Congratulations! Each tear you are crying is a piece of your past being released, an old pattern of rigidity dissolving out of your life. You are waking up! You are coming home to your heart!”

I was so grateful for his strength of perception, his consistent trust that I was safe and on my path, for if I would have gone through it on my own I might have believed I was going crazy. I was crying every day, every night, and I had little say over when or where. After a lifetime of living in my head, I had a lot of catch up crying to do.

That process was, as I look back on it, a time of soul retrieval. Before that process I was rarely moved by beauty. Then one day a few months into my healing cycle, while watching a sunset on the beach, I found myself crying, overwhelmed by the loveliness of it, God’s daily masterpiece. I realized that it was my willingness to surrender to sadness that had given birth to this new ability to be so touched by life’s joys. Water was flowing again in my life. The drought was over!

In the magical (not really for children) children’s story, The Knight In The Rusty Armor, Robert Fisher tells of a knight who lives in an ivory tower. He excels at covering up his heart by putting on a suit of armor every day and galloping off to rescue princesses in an attempt to win their love and adoration. He eventually finds himself stuck in his armor and can’t get it off.  He goes to see Gladbag, the court jester and wise man for council. Gladbag directs the knight to Merlin, a teacher in the remote forest who gets the knight to begin his emotional journey and start to grieve the many years he was hiding his vulnerability in armor.

Contemplating all the real love he missed out on while living that way, he falls to the ground, weeps for hours, and falls asleep in a puddle of his own tears.  The next morning he wakes to find that his visor has rusted away. The knight discovers that it is his own tears that will melt the steel and free him from his armor.

Sondra Ray, in her book Loving Relationships, goes as far as to say this: ‘Never miss an opportunity to cry!’

Sometimes I wonder how much the earth is reflecting humanity’s collective emotional drought, our unwillingness to feel our feelings, to preserve and honor our own personal rainforests.  I believe that the most important thing we can do to help restore the planet to balance is to live balanced lives. For most of us, that means re-discovering our ability to feel. Un-cried tears harden into the bricks that build emotional walls, and that’s what enables people to violate and abuse each other, and the planet, without the understanding that what they are doing they are doing to themselves.

In The Knight In The Rusty Armor, early on in the story, the knight shakes the court jester’s hand to thank him for his advice, and he almost crushes it. Gladbag yelps, and then says to the knight, “When your armor isn’t there, of other’s pain you’ll be aware.”

Could the Holocaust have happened if the German people, as children, hadn’t had their feelings and their innocence invalidated, over and over again?  Closer to home, the United States grew our country, spreading an empire west by conquering the Native American people, practically wiping them out in the name of Manifest Destiny, a head trip used to justify massacring people who, in our minds were not really people, certainly not people with rights and hearts like ours.

If enough of us find our tears, these tragedies will not repeat themselves, for rising from the depths of our grief comes our heart connection to life, and we will not destroy whom and what we feel connected to. Our oneness is not a concept, but a heartfelt truth that the ego cannot being to grasp.

The world has had enough ivory towers of ego strength, and is hungry for the power of authenticity and vulnerability, human beings embracing all parts of their humanity with unconditional acceptance and love. Paradoxically, this acceptance opens the doorway to our divinity.

I was raised to pride myself to be a highly intelligent person, maybe a little too intelligent for my own good, trapped in the complexity of a dry and brittle intellect.

I find that my tears are honest, simple, and soften the fortress of my mind like nothing else can.


Do you have a personal drought going on? Is your life so busy, your heart so protected, your mind so in charge, that you rarely give yourself the time to stop and water the roses?  Do you fear drowning in your emotional body, and so have chosen to stay out of the water entirely? You are being invited to leave the weary desert behind, precious Child of God, and come home and drink from the radiant, lush rainforest of your heart.


One of my songs contains these lyrics:

      

May I laugh all my laughter,

May I cry all my tears,

May I love the rain as deeply

As the sun when when it clears



These words have become a steady reminder for me to go with the river’s flow of my feelings. Sometimes the current takes me through turbulent white water, and other times through calm, still waters, but always it renews and refreshes me, helping me feel alive, passionately and compassionately alive.



Scott Grace is an intuitive life coach who serves worldwide and does sessions via phone or Skype. Read more about his coaching practice at www.scottsongs.com or schedule a session at 415 721 2954, or email at info@scottsongs.com

Change Your State; Change Your Life!

By Scott Grace

I went to college. Dropped in, then dropped out. University of Buffalo. Two years. Didn't take any English courses. Sorry for my. Grammar...

In those two years I would have loved to have had a girlfriend. Just one, out of the eight thousand female students at UB. But nobody was there for me. In fact I was fond of repeating on a regular basis: There's nobody here for me. No female ladies with whom I could date and relate. Nobody who could get me, me and my deep sensitivity.

After leaving and going back to NYC I was in Greenwich Village one afternoon, where I lived and felt right at home, where I got me. It was there I met someone. A female someone. We were a lovely match for a while, and had lots of fun. When we eventually parted ways there were no hurt or hard feelings. Guess where she went to school for the two years that I did? The University of Buffalo. Nope, I'm not shitting you.

Why didn't I meet her there? Cause I was in an exclusive, committed, monogamous relationship with my fear. And, as if it kept me warm at night, I was snuggled up tightly to the belief: There's nobody here for poor me.

As soon as I was back in New York, where I felt safe and comfortable, my vibration changed. I started strutting my stuff, instead of strutting my victimhood. Kimberly walked right in through the door of my open heart and mind. Isn't that funny? I still laugh when I think about it. What a cosmic joke! I could have met her at college if I was open and available. But somehow it felt safer and easier for me to keep believing that there's nobody here for me rather than to reach out, take some risks, and learn to deal with the inevitable hurts and disappointments that are a part of any process or project that's worthwhile on this planet. It's as if I had one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brake, and was hoping to get somewhere.

When I got back to NYC, my old stomping grounds, an environment where I felt safe to stomp, I released the brakes, found my stride, and found my girlfriend.

Since then I've aspired to uncover the things I am telling myself that are self-defeating, and wake up from the scarcity trance while I am still in college, so to speak. In the midst of a challenging outer environment, I want to improve my inner game, find my stride, and start feeling safe and comfortable inside my own skin, right here and right now. That's what moves mountains and makes miracles. Strut your stuff when times are tough. Find your stride and enjoy the ride. Change your state, change your life!

The fastest, simplest, and most efficient tool I have found for changing my state is the Emotional Freedom Technique. In the hands of an experienced and intuitive facilitator such as myself, the results can be nothing short of amazing. It activates the feel-good endorphins, and helps you release the trance state of scarcity you might be in. Then, as you strut your stuff with some consistency, Divine Synchronicity takes you to where you want to be - a new relationship, more money, more self-love, more whatever. Change your state, change your life!

Most of us have got it upside down, bass ackwards! Here's a paradox you can take to the bank....

You might believe, if you have money challenges, that you desperately need more money before you can let go of the desperation and feel safe again. And the paradox is that the fastest way of creating more money is to release the desperation and start feeling safe, right here and right now. Seek ye first the Kingdom and all these things will be added unto you might sound a little other worldly Biblical and not very modern day practical, but it is extremely grounded in the real world. It's timeless, and when it comes to those pesky little universal laws, you can't break the law and get away with it. Your vibrations go out and that's what you get back. No exceptions. Do what you love, and the money will follow. Be who you are and the relationship will follow. Be in your love and all the good stuff will follow. Put first things first. Don't procrastinate joy. Be who you are, a joyful being. Tend to your vibes. Change your state. Otherwise, your soulmate might be right next door but you won't connect. You are unconsciously driving away what you most want, cause you are not being and broadcasting who you really are.

When trying to get (or to give) what you want in life, does it feel like you sometimes have one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake? Could you benefit from a thorough tune up, a coaching session with me consisting of messages from your guides, EFT to help you release blocks, doable action steps for what to do after the session ends, and a channeled song to bring it all from the head to the heart of your experience?  It's like working with a psychic, a channeler, a life coach, an empathic friend, an EFT wizard, and a music therapist who can channel your unique essence into a song, and getting the benefits of all those perspectives and modalities rolled into one amazing session.

While I love working with people on a regular weekly basis, I am also available for the occasional tune-up, whenever you feel you could use help to stay on track, to get back on track, or to assist you though a difficult  patch. I especially love working with people in a crisis. It brings out my best, the angel in me, to guide people through a patch of darkness and into their light.

Is your vehicle due for a tune up? Have you lost your power steering when it comes to your direction, or your shock absorbers when you are facing bumpy challenges? Are you trying to drive with one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake, or when you are low or zero on gas? Let my jumper cables juice you up, help you fill up your tank, reset and trust your inner GPS, and get thee zooming forward!

Change your state, change your life.

Scott Grace is an intuitive, game changing, state changing life coach who serves worldwide and does sessions via phone or Skype. Read more about his coaching practice at www.scottsongs.com or call  415 721 2954, or email at info@scottsongs.com to schedule a session.

Confessions of a Psychic Coach

 Gangway, folks! I'm out of the closet as a psychic coach. No more toe tipping and treading lightly by using words like intuitive.  The fact is, I see auras, read chakras, hear and talk to guides - the whole nine yards. I deliver out-of-this-world messages in a down-to earth way, 97% woo-woo free. But, oh how I've shied away from owning that I'm psychic.  I've adopted a don't ask, don't tell policy about my gifts. Even after graduating from years of study at a Psychic Training Institute, I've stayed away from the 'P' word.  Probably because I have my own judgements about airy-fairy New Agey psychics who clutch crystals and promote ideas like past lives are important, or that when Mercury is Retrograde you should hide under your covers until it passes.

By the way, I do believe that recalling past lives can come in handy if you are invited to a Come As You Were Party and you haven't a thing to wear. And caring about Mercury being in Retrograde can be useful for anyone who has plumb forgotten that they themselves are a Heavenly Body, more powerful as a creative force than all the stars in the cosmos.  

Coming out has its challenges. When people hear that I am psychic, they occasionally ask me to predict their future. I make it clear that I prefer not serving my clients greasy spiritual junk food, and that's what predictions are to me. I do see and articulate the soul lessons and big picture blessings behind and within each challenge that a person is facing, and point out the ways life is attempting to help each person grow out of their stuck places and into their authentic power and true selves. 

I delight in helping you in bringing to light the subconscious beliefs that are holding you back, and offer practical tools to release them, such as EFT, which, in the hands of a skilled facilitator such as yours truly, can move mountains. Then I hold up a soul mirror and reflect your magnificence right back atcha in the form of a channeled song that arrives in your inbox five minutes after the session ends, a song that you can play every day on your way towards living your dreams.

That's what I do with my psychic powers. Nothing airy fairy about it. It's not woo woo if it works. The tools and homework assignments I give make it clear that the power is in your hands. If you want to remain a victim, or would love to hear celestial predictions about when and where you will meet your soulmate, stay away. I have balls, but they are not crystal. The only thing I predict is that as you stop holding hands with your fears, you will spring forward in wondrous ways, and exciting openings will happen in your life that are deliciously unpredictable. Who needs predictions, when you have personal power and a magical universe to play and prosper in? 

If the use of my psychic gifts does not lead to your grounded progress and practical next steps, then, as they say from my home town of Brooklyn, Fuggetabouttit! 

It's not about my powers and gifts. It's about you and yours.

Sometimes people come for a session tight-lipped to test me, to build trust. They want me to tune into them in an all-purpose generic way and tell them what I see and sense without volunteering anything about themselves, their desires or their challenges. It's fun for me. A little scary sometimes, when performance anxiety temporarily passes through my nervous system, but I do enjoy being out on my edge. 

One time at a busy Psychic Fair a young man not even twenty plopped down on the chair in front of me and asked to 'read' him blind. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his friends waiting outside the door. I imagined they dared him to get a reading, or they drew straws and he got the short one. I closed my eyes, said hello to his soul, and got connected to the Universal Delivery Service. "You are on a quest to find out all you can about how dark darkness can be. It's like you are at Hogwarts taking a crash course in the Dark Arts. Sometimes you forget that the negativity you are dabbling in is not permanent and does not define you, that it's just a place you are visiting to gather some experience. You will, when you are good and ready, come to the other side of this exploration, and move on to more fulfilling adventures and easier classrooms. Rather than just cursing at it, ask yourself what you want to create and invent to make a difference amidst all the madness you see around you, and you'll be well on your way." When I stopped talking I opened my eyes and saw him crying. He mumbled a few words about how he never felt seen until this moment, thanked me profusely, and then slipped away. I was deeply touched, knowing that our short time together made a significant difference in his life.

Most of the time, it helps for people to forego the generic and ask specific questions about a heart's desire or a challenge. It's like going to get a massage. You get a better massage if you tell the therapist that your lower back could use some attention, that you don't like having your feet rubbed, and that your shoulders need a soft approach. 

So much healing happens in relationship. The more you relate and reveal, the more you receive. The more a person is honest, vulnerable and open with me in session, the more they come away transformed. If you don't let me in, I have no business getting in your business. I have not been invited. 

It is true that you cannot be supported or healed unless you ask for support and healing. Asking for help from God, guides, angels, human friends, and, yes, psychic coaches, is a prerequisite for receiving it. 

Have you asked for help today?

Scott Grace delights in playing Spiritual Santa Claus and giving away complementary thirty minute coaching sessions to anyone who asks, by phone or by Skype. Email him at info@scottsongs.com to set up a time, or visit him at www.scottsongs.com

Embodying Ease & Grace - A Tribute to my Teacher, Marcela Flekalova

''Love is the cure, for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain until your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.''

~ Rumi


I've had a few significant spiritual teachers in my lifetime, but only one I got to play tennis with.

I met Marcela when she came to me for a song session. I was very honored, as she was a well-known healer in the San Diego area with her own reputable ‘School of Healership’, and she was coming to see me. She knew the transformative power of music, and wanted her own personal song so she could sing it to her inner child. From that session we took a walk on the beach. From that walk we made a date to play tennis.

Marcela was the recipient of some severe physical and sexual abuse as a child, which motivated her to learn everything she could about healing. She was from Prague, Czechoslovakia, and was once a tennis player on the pro circuit. In her prime, she was seeded 51st in the world.  When I met her she was approaching sixty, almost twice my age, and yet she easily whipped my butt on the court.  In fact, I did not win a game. Not minding the lopsided score, I asked her if she would play me again, and we did. Many times. We always played at least one set, and, with the exception of one time when she was sluggish from a cold, she always whipped my butt. My game improved tremendously in her presence, and I felt lucky to be on the court with her.

The contrast between us was very telling. I huffed and puffed to get each ball, worked up a good sweat, and ended our matches deliriously spent. She breezed through each moment, gracefully moving without struggle, like a cross between a classical dancer and a disciplined Zen meditator. I asked her once how she made it look so easy. ''Scott, you value effort, and pride yourself on it. I value ease and grace, and over the course of many years and much practice, have become an embodiment of what I value.''

''Oh.''

One evening Marcela came to one of my concerts. A few days later we were having lunch after tennis, and she asked me if I would like some feedback about my performance. I said yes, excited that Marcela had seen me in action doing something I do really well, and anticipating spoonfuls of praise. ''Scott, there is a part of you still craving approval, and you pull and drain energy from the audience unconsciously while you are entertaining them. I could feel you needing something from us, your audience, your fans, something that we could not and should not give. And when we applauded and appreciated you after each song, you didn't really let it in. Your belief in your own unworthiness blocked it. Your body tensed up, your breath became shallow. And that's not surprising. There's a wound there, and if you heal it, you will become a much better performer, and a much happier human being.''

''Oh.''

Humble pie was the main dish served when hanging out with Marcela, both on and off the court. My inner guidance nudged me to have a session with her, to see if she could assist me with my issues as well as she could see and name them. So I did.

After the first, which was quite helpful, I began having weekly sessions with her. She did bodywork, shamanic work, emotional release work, psychic work, inner child healing, re-parenting, and life coaching, all rolled into these amazing sessions. Gradually I let myself trust and open to her power, quite a scary thing for me, since I had such an overpowering mother. And so, Marcela became somewhat of a guide to me - a healer, a mentor, and yes, a spiritual teacher.

Marcela knew the thing I most wanted in my life was more intimacy, especially in the form of a life partner. A great deal of our work together focused on bringing to the surface and clearing the fears, blocks and beliefs I harbored in regards to letting in love. ''Scott, right now, as much as your conscious mind wants intimacy, on a deeper heart level, you push away love and partnership more than you welcome it. Your inner child is somewhat frozen in there, waiting for the warmth of your own loving to thaw himself out. Before you can let somebody else in, you need to let yourself in first.'' I had heard that many times, even uttered the words myself to others, but this time I was ready to walk the walk, and not just talk the talk.

Marcela suggested I start collecting and sleeping with stuffed animals.  Boy, did I have resistance to that! Marcela's office was filled with large, flamboyant, colorful stuffed animals, and now she was trying to pass the disease on to me! I guess I had some judgments about adults playing with child's toys, judgments that were a clever cover by my ego to mask my fear of becoming vulnerable. But I did start a collection, one that I grew to love, as I grew to love the child inside me through Marcela's guidance.

My four-year old daughter is currently quite happy with my colorful collection of soft, inviting creatures. I am so glad I am passing on my cuddly animals to her, and not my unworthiness, fear of suffocation, and resistance to being loved. Through my work with Marcela, gradually I began to thaw out and soften, and my heart became more spacious, open, and available for intimacy. Venus, my life partner, entered the scene as if on cue. I had no doubt that the work I was doing with Marcela played a big part in that.

Soon after we began dating, Venus and I had dinner with Marcela.  I felt as if our new relationship received a mitzvah, the love and blessings of my teacher. Soon after that, we lost touch as she moved to Oregon, and I moved to the Bay Area to start a life with Venus.  A month ago I found out that Marcela Flekova made her transition. I've been filled with both sadness and gratitude. I trust she is continuing to glide through life with ease and grace, the ease and grace she lived while inside a body, the ease and grace she passed on to me and countless others.

I'll never forget Marcela on the tennis court, hitting each ball powerfully and purposefully, without aggression, strain or struggle, radiating effortless effort, power versus force.

Marcela taught by example, without dogma. I consider myself blessed to have hung out with her, and to have had the wisdom and willingness to recognize and receive her as a teacher. When the student is ready, the teacher appears, ready to serve. Tennis, anyone?



Scott Grace is an intuitive life coach that has a blast playing Santa Claus all year 'round and giving away complementary thirty minute sessions. For info click on:  http://www.scottsongs.com/pages/coaching_councelling.html, or say hello at info@scottsongs.com or 415 721 2954 to schedule a session. In addition, he is the author of the book, Teach Me How To Love, a True Story that Touches Hearts and Helps with the Laundry! Check it out at Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Me-How-Love-Touches/dp/061549210X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top or buy the book with a 17 song CD of Scott's music in the back at: http://www.scottsongs.com

My Father's Death & Our Healing

          A week ago on Sunday, June 3rd, my 88 year-old father took his last breath. I saw him a few days before, and his last words to me were: "Scott, I had a wonderful life." It fills me with comfort to know that he framed his life journey that way as he made his transition.  I want to share with you the chapter in my book about the healing I had with my father. Anybody have some unfinished business with Dad that comes up around Father's Day? Please send them this. It will touch them.           

Finding My Father

By Scott Grace

"As long as there is room in your heart for one enemy, your heart is not a safe place for a friend."
-Sufi saying

 “Good work, Scott. Now it’s time to find your father.” When I participated in the retreat with my mother, those were the last words the male facilitator spoke to me. Find my father? What did he mean by that? My father lived in Brooklyn- that was where to find him! At that time the gulf between my Dad and I seemed insurmountable. My feeling of being rejected by him was possibly my deepest wound, and I had covered it all up with a liberal coating of pride. Find my father. 

In his early adulthood my father fought in World War II, survived that, went to medical school, survived that, married my mother, prognosis uncertain, and became a great, caring doctor who always went the extra mile with his patients. He was doing house calls for his elderly patients until he retired at age 82!

My parents started a family in Brooklyn, where they had both been born and raised. The first two children were girls, and then I, the final one, plopped out. I can imagine my father’s excitement about having a son, someone to guide from boyhood to manhood, to continue the family name, someone to be proud of, perhaps even someone to follow in his footsteps.

.

I didn’t always have issues with my Dad. In fact as a boy I was crazy about him. I was the apple of his eye, and he was my knight in shining armor. We played sports and games, and went fishing together. As I approached age 14, however, it became abundantly clear that my feet were hell bent on following another path, any path but his!

In school I was having behavioral problems. I was feeling all kinds of difficult feelings about myself and my life, feelings that I needed help sorting out and understanding. I expressed my inner angst by becoming a class clown, defying any and all rules. To my credit, I was very creative and original in my acts of rebellion. I also displayed signs of brilliance in the subjects I was interested in. But when report card time rolled around, I was filled with dread. Having my parents read those things was a very traumatic experience for me. Whatever pain I was expressing through my actions was driven deep inside of me. I got more upset each time my parents’ disapproving and punitive magnifying glass was focused on my poor grades and attention getting schemes. I responded by doing more things that would bring me disapproval and punishment.

Eventually, I learned that I would be treated less harshly if I punished myself, so my inner critic was born. My parents saw me being hard on myself, and figured I was doing an adequate job. Self-reproach is a great protection plan, and being skilled in self-criticism was a large part of the shadow side of our family tradition. 

My Dad had no idea how to deal with me. My mother expressed her feelings of anger and disappointment, but my father grew silent and distant, and acted like he didn’t care anymore. He just gave up on me. That was even more painful to me than my mother’s voiced disapproval. I hated him for that, and expressed my anger just as covertly, by also pretending that I didn’t want anything to do with him. We lived under the same roof, but we were a thousand miles away from each other.

I continued to have trouble with school until the time I chose to drop out and pursue my interests. I became totally focused on my spiritual growth, the quest for enlightenment, and God, a fact that sent shivers through my father’s mind. My father, a proud and vocal atheist, had given birth to a son who was thumbing his nose at scientific and intellectual matters and doing the God thing. While I don’t believe my spiritual searching was simply an expression of a power struggle with my father, he sure took it that way. There were many hard feelings between us, feelings that hardened into cement as time went by.

For much of my young adulthood, I went about my business without much of a relationship with my dad. We had stopped trying to change each other, but the walls of apathy remained, thick and cold between us. We had both written each other off, pronouncing the relationship deceased, incapable of improvement.

But that wasn’t the case.

Things began changing significantly when I took the initiative and wrote him a heartfelt letter and he wrote one back. Many more letters followed. Two human beings with a history of separateness began to cross old, outdated borders and to get to know each other. I would like to share our first exchange of letters:

     Dear Dad,

I have been thinking a lot about you these days, and I want you to know my thoughts. It seems to me that in my pain, confusion and my struggle to define myself as someone separate from you, I rejected you entirely, along with everything you stood for. Lately I’ve been seeing that in my rebellion, I have set aside a part of myself that has not been allowed to develop and that can make me a more whole person inside. I have come to regret that rebellious side of my personality and I am setting out to make changes.

You tried to teach me, by your example, how to be a disciplined, reliable provider for oneself and for a family. You showed me how to live safely in the world, with a sense of security and structure. You modeled success in ways that I did my best not to emulate. And I am feeling very sorry about that. It was as if I turned away from your most powerful way of showing me that you loved me: the way you lived your life.

Dad, I can sense that my work in the world, my relationships with women and my sense of self-esteem are all affected by this stance. I am working diligently in my life to develop within myself the qualities you tried to pass one to me. Ouch! It’s hard for a sufferer of Peter Pan Syndrome to grow into an adult. But my happiness does depend on it.

Dad, you are a part of me, and it’s time I stopped resisting that and started accepting and working with the gifts you have given me. You have passed on to me a legacy of character traits that are my missing link in my development as a person.

I love you, Dad. I don’t want to wait until you are on your deathbed, or until you are gone, to feel and to express that. You have given me so much by the way you work, play and live. I want you to know, as late as it may be, that I am beginning to receive and to learn from you and your life. Growing up is a scary thing, but I’m getting there!

                                                                                                         

 Your son,

^Scott!

Sending the letter felt like a huge, but necessary risk. How would he respond to such a bearing of my soul? I waited for his reply, nervously opening up the mail each day. Each time the phone rang, I imagined it was him. What would he say to me? What would I say to him? Would my letter make a difference, or would I end up regretting that I ever reached out? Ten days after I sent my letter, I got his response. I opened it up and started crying after the first sentence, right there in the Postal Annex.               

Dear Scott,

Your letter has touched me deeper than I can ever convey to you in words. I cried like a baby during and after reading it! You have come a long way, farther than you realize!

Scott, don’t berate yourself for rejecting me and my values and my world. It was I who rejected you when you didn’t conform to what I wanted for you. Rejection is something you learned from me! I blame myself; don’t forget, I was supposedly the adult and you were the child! I should have handled things wiser and more maturely.

Scott, listen to me very carefully. Let’s not dwell on the past, except if it can help us understand the present and prevent us from making the same mistakes over again. As I said before, you have come a long way and I have reacted to your changes very positively! You say growing up is scary and difficult. Please remember, I am still trying to grow up! Let’s help each other.

Scott, I love you very much. I always have! I hope any scars are temporary and reversible.

Always,

Dadio

I read the letter again and again. Who was this wise, tender, approachable man? Was this my father?  I felt waves of gratitude and celebration as I pondered his letter. Nervously, I called him up. “Dad, I got your letter.” “And I, yours, Scott.” We both fumbled for words, but couldn’t find any. Finally, my father said, “Scott, I’m all choked up right now. I can’t seem to talk.” “I feel the same, Dad.” Another clumsy, but heart -filled silence. We both managed to say “I love you”, and then had to get off the phone. The feelings were too rich for words, but a new beginning was acknowledged.

I visited my family soon after that. My time with my father was sweet and meaningful. I found myself genuinely interested in him, his past, his dreams, his regrets. I asked him questions as if I we were just starting out. We had some significant catching up to do.

We speak on the phone often these days. It’s not always easy to talk to him. I question at times how much to reveal, and what to talk about. Sometimes it flows, and sometimes it feels awkward. We are profoundly different in our beliefs, our lifestyles and our frames of reference. But we are two men relating to each other in the present, not burdened by the past, expressing our caring and support. For my father and I, both expertly trained in the self-defense of hiding our hearts to cover up our hurt, our current relationship is somewhat of a miracle. We are both finding out together that love is stronger than steel, and that the pain of the past can be put behind us. For men in this culture to be more interested in being close than in being right is indeed something to treasure! 

·      

    “The holiest place on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.”  --A Course in Miracles 

This is an excerpt from my book, Teach Me How to Love. It can be ordered at http://www.scottsongs.com, or on Amazon as a paperback or an ebook at: http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Me-How-Love-Touches/dp/061549210X

Occupy Ketchup!

 By Scott Grace

"What I know for sure is that it's only when you make the process your goal that your big dream will follow."
~ Oprah Winfrey

When I was growing up my favorite television commercial was the Heinz Ketchup one. It featured Carly Simon's hit song Anticipation, and people would be seen tilting a Heinz bottle downward, playfully doing their best to be patient, taking it in stride, smiling in anticipation while the bottle, working in cahoots with gravity, eventually delivered the amazing goods. The message was, "Our ketchup is worth the wait. In fact, don't call it waiting, call it courting! Let yourself be romanced by our heavenly product coming out so slowly. You want a ketchup with a slow hand, don't you?

Then Ronald Reagan came along, proclaiming ketchup, with all its processing, preservatives, salt and sugar, to be a legitimate vegetable for school lunches, an extremely nutritious deal for the corporate interests and the lobbyists that served the law up onto our children's plates. Tomatoes everywhere joined in solidarity to protest, but they all ended up being put in the can. Heinz bottled them up before the public ever got wind of it.

I fantasize that the original idea for their famous commercial was conceived at a meeting one day in the corporate offices...

Heinz Executive: Truth telling time. At the end of the day, what's the biggest drawback that makes some people stay away from our product?

Another Heinz Executive: The sodium content! It's off the roof! I've got enough high blood pressure with this job, thank you!

Heinz Executive: Ridiculous. Most consumers want it salty as hell, all the market research shows that. Bottom line? It comes out too freakin' slow. People hate that. I hate that. That's why I don't bother using it. Who's got the time?

New Heinz Ad Man Hired To Boost Sales: I've got an idea to make it sell. People like to take their time when it comes to a special time in the bedroom. Why not with ketchup? Let's spin it so that the slow pour reminds them of what slow, gourmet foreplay is to mindblowing sex!

Heinz Executive: Would it work? Will people actually buy that?

Heinz Ad Man: People will buy anything that's spun right, and ketchup in a bottle that's shaped like a phallic symbol is no exception. Hey, don't forget, before you folks brought me in, I worked for Ronald Reagan's campaign. His biggest problem was his slow brain and speech. I helped spin it so he was seen as Father Knows Best, down-to-earth, refreshingly simple, and super-trustworthy. If I could sell him, I could get your ketchup flying super fast off the shelves. Trust me, I'm a spin doctor."

And so, disguised as a vegetable, a junk food dynasty was born. Outraged tomatoes organized and became activists, camping out in front of supermarkets, linking vines to protect themselves from the Produce Police that were bent on squashing them. Sadly, the Occupy Ketchup movement was virtually ignored by the mainstream media.

When I was twenty years old I decided I wanted and was ready for a life partner. Having already been exposed to metaphysics and the law of attraction, I began applying affirmations and visualizations to manifest my ideal relationship.

Twenty years later she arrived. Well worth the wait. Especially since during that time I was gradually developing into someone who could handle the joys, challenges, and soul lessons of a committed relationship.

Currently, I desire my work in the world to take off. I want more lucrative gigs as a speaker. I want my book to catch fire. These dreams are manifesting slower than my ego would like. Maybe I can learn something from Heinz. Maybe I can become my own spin doctor, prescribe for myself some new perspectives, and reframe things in a way that allows me to trade in my impatience for peace.

Scott's Drill Sergeant Ego: Work harder, dude! Pick up the pace! It's not a time to relax, trust, and enjoy the freakin' roses. This is a state of emergency, requiring a sense of urgency. It's time to freak out, push hard, blame the economy, blame yourself, freak out some more, and then push harder. That's the plan. Are you with me? I SAID, ARE YOU WITH ME, SOLDIER?

Scott's Higher Self: Whoa, soldier! At ease! Easy does it. This is peacetime. No war going on in your universe. It's safe to take it easy. The terror threat level is at zero. Whistle while you work, and have fun with it. There is a Divine Plan unfolding, and everything is in Perfect Order. You are making steady progress in putting out your work, building the field through YouTube and Facebook. Things are moving along nicely. You could equate it with the unhurried pace of a tortoise. And you live in a culture that distrusts and disdains tortoise medicine, that worships the speed of the hare. Rushing urgently is just the ego's frantic control trip, an attempt to overcompensate for an imaginary sense of unworthiness, and to win a race that does not exist. Drop the struggle and take your sweet time getting there. Avoid the rat race. The journey before you is precious, and even more delicious than whatever destination you are pining for. Remember the expression, Easy does it, Scott. Ease really does do it!

Ego: But I want it now! Show me the money, some juicy speaking gigs, and the book deal, and then I'll relax and take it easy.

Ahhh, the poor ego. Always upside down and upset about things. So glad I'm listening to a wiser guide these days, and putting first things first. Like peace.

I bet there's something you want from life that is coming out slower than you would like. You might even be worried it's not coming out at all. You might be telling a story about there being something wrong with you, or with life itself, for not delivering the ketchup.

Maybe, just maybe, all is unfolding as it should. Maybe the jewels of patience, persistence, and trust can only be uncovered through things not manifesting according to your ego's plan, and maybe those character traits are far more valuable to your soul than the quick fix, the instant manifestations. And maybe learning to be peaceful through life's inevitable ups and downs is the real gold we're after, worth more than all the money in the world.

Slowly is the New Holy!

Ketchup that comes out quickly is usually pretty watered down. And there is something about slow motion that is healing, especially in this day and age. High speed internet, wireless, cell phones, all the technology scrambles our nervous systems and makes chaos the new norm. And that makes slowly the new Holy! Anyone who has ever meditated longer than ten minutes knows the joy that comes when the heart rate and the thinking mind slow down enough to abide in stillness. There is a Heavenly sanctuary within all of us, brimming with splendor and overflowing with fulfillment. But it's not the express train that gets us there. It's the local track, enjoying all the stops along the way.

So, my fellow earth citizens, let's get up-to-speed with slowing down. Drop the rush and let ease set the pace. And remember, don't let politicians have a monopoly on spin. It's your life, and how you frame things makes all the difference between being in struggle or being at ease. So take spin into your own hands, and make peace with the slow ketchup in your life.

I'm Scott Grace, and I approved this message.


"Whatever the hell happens, say this is what I need. It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity. If you bring love to that moment, not discouragement, you will find the strength there. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes."

- Joseph Campbell, the Follow Your Bliss Man



Scott Grace is the author of Teach Me How To Love. He can be reached at www.scottsongs.com.

Jesus Appears on Letterman!

By Scott Grace

Ah, the holiday season is upon us, a time when Mother Nature draws us inward and Mother Culture draws us shopping. What will it be this year? Will you pass through the holidays unconsciously, in a frenzy of obligation, hurry and adrenaline, or will you let yourself slow down and take it easy like the rest of the natural world is doing at this time of year? I feel committed to staying attuned to the inward call of winter soulstice and the corresponding needs of my soul...to slow down the pace, nurture my beingness and replenish the well within. A close friend of mine has a birthday that is celebrated in December, although he was really born in July. He is somewhat of a celebrity, a cultural icon that most civilized folks know of, admire and sometimes feel intimidated by. He has been a regular in the supermarket tabloids for two thousand years, even before supermarkets were invented. I’ve noticed, like with many Hollywood stars, people make him out to be larger than life. They put him on a pedestal, somehow hoping that his life can save theirs, and like to fixate over the minute details of what he said and did. His stage name is Jesus, but his friends from the old neighborhood call him Jeshua Ben Joseph. The most famous role of his career has been Prince of Peace, Savior of the World. (When writing the script, the Director realized that the part was far too big to be given to just one, so he cast every human being to star equally in the role. Alas, most people are so convinced they’re not worthy of an audition, they don’t realize they got the part!) Jeshua, after retiring from show business in a glorious spectacle of emotion, now works tirelessly behind the scenes, whispering lines to the rest of the cast. He guides his fellow performers to choose peace over drama, love over stage fright, and comedy over tragedy. He nudges us, when we finally become willing to listen to a director other than our egos, to step into our appointed roles and play our parts to the max. Jeshua does not appreciate the Academy of Christianity giving him the Oscar year after year for Best Savior. He would much rather share the statue with Moses, Buddha, The Dalhi Lama, Oprah Winfrey, Robin Williams, me and you. And he would rather not have so much fuss made over him. In a recent and rare appearance on Letterman, Jeshua had this to say: “David, people get the wrong idea about me. I just want to give the world a Peace of my mind! That’s all. I didn’t ask for all these religions to spring up and make such a big deal of it all. I’m basically a simple, down-to-earth kind of guy. In fact, I came down to earth to spread joy! Just like everyone, I’ve had a few moments here and there on the cross, but I’ve laughed far more that I’ve suffered. Please tell those churches to take all those pictures of me off their walls. How would you like it if they framed you having a horrendous hair day and decided that was the image the world should remember you by? Oh, and another thing: if people want to celebrate my birthday, I’d like to see them giving each other more presence! Simply being present with an open heart is the greatest gift you can give another. Slow down, ease up on the material madness and get into the spirit of the holidays. And for Christ’s sake (literally speaking), lighten up! Life is too eternal to be taken seriously!” Thrilled that Jesus was speaking so freely, David encouraged him to continue. Jeshua got excited, “People think of me as not having political ties, but actually I’m quite politically active. I’m pro-choice, pro life, and anti-right. That’s right, anti-right! I want people, all people, to give up this business of being right and to focus on compassion. And another thing...” At that point David had to interrupt and break for some commercials. When they got back on the air Jeshua asked if he could have a minute for his own commercial. An 800 number flashed across the screen and Jesus explained that this was his new pager number, a modern way for humanity to call him up and fire away a question, concern or prayer. He can answer over ten billion calls at the same time! Explaining further, he said, “Traditional churches lead people to believe that to be close to me you have to pay money and have exclusive membership in their club. I want everyone to know it’s easier than you think. In fact, it’s what you think that makes it hard! Just try this: close your eyes, take some breaths, get quiet inside, and dial 1-800-ASK-JESUS. I’ll call you right back. Don’t worry, I’ve already got your number, and my dial-up speed is faster than DSL and cable combined. But you’ve got to believe you are worthy of having a connection with me. Otherwise, there will be too much static on your end, and there will appear to be a receiver off the hook. If that happens, remind yourself to open your heart to receiving, and repeat the call. If you ever get a busy signal, you are the one that’s too busy. As I’ve said once or twice before, I am with you always. And I can afford to keep my promises. I’m not running for anything!” Scott Grace plays golf with Jesus and bowls with Buddha. He would like to appear on Letterman someday, but for now appears at www.scottsongs.com