Occupy Ketchup!

 By Scott Grace

"What I know for sure is that it's only when you make the process your goal that your big dream will follow."
~ Oprah Winfrey

When I was growing up my favorite television commercial was the Heinz Ketchup one. It featured Carly Simon's hit song Anticipation, and people would be seen tilting a Heinz bottle downward, playfully doing their best to be patient, taking it in stride, smiling in anticipation while the bottle, working in cahoots with gravity, eventually delivered the amazing goods. The message was, "Our ketchup is worth the wait. In fact, don't call it waiting, call it courting! Let yourself be romanced by our heavenly product coming out so slowly. You want a ketchup with a slow hand, don't you?

Then Ronald Reagan came along, proclaiming ketchup, with all its processing, preservatives, salt and sugar, to be a legitimate vegetable for school lunches, an extremely nutritious deal for the corporate interests and the lobbyists that served the law up onto our children's plates. Tomatoes everywhere joined in solidarity to protest, but they all ended up being put in the can. Heinz bottled them up before the public ever got wind of it.

I fantasize that the original idea for their famous commercial was conceived at a meeting one day in the corporate offices...

Heinz Executive: Truth telling time. At the end of the day, what's the biggest drawback that makes some people stay away from our product?

Another Heinz Executive: The sodium content! It's off the roof! I've got enough high blood pressure with this job, thank you!

Heinz Executive: Ridiculous. Most consumers want it salty as hell, all the market research shows that. Bottom line? It comes out too freakin' slow. People hate that. I hate that. That's why I don't bother using it. Who's got the time?

New Heinz Ad Man Hired To Boost Sales: I've got an idea to make it sell. People like to take their time when it comes to a special time in the bedroom. Why not with ketchup? Let's spin it so that the slow pour reminds them of what slow, gourmet foreplay is to mindblowing sex!

Heinz Executive: Would it work? Will people actually buy that?

Heinz Ad Man: People will buy anything that's spun right, and ketchup in a bottle that's shaped like a phallic symbol is no exception. Hey, don't forget, before you folks brought me in, I worked for Ronald Reagan's campaign. His biggest problem was his slow brain and speech. I helped spin it so he was seen as Father Knows Best, down-to-earth, refreshingly simple, and super-trustworthy. If I could sell him, I could get your ketchup flying super fast off the shelves. Trust me, I'm a spin doctor."

And so, disguised as a vegetable, a junk food dynasty was born. Outraged tomatoes organized and became activists, camping out in front of supermarkets, linking vines to protect themselves from the Produce Police that were bent on squashing them. Sadly, the Occupy Ketchup movement was virtually ignored by the mainstream media.

When I was twenty years old I decided I wanted and was ready for a life partner. Having already been exposed to metaphysics and the law of attraction, I began applying affirmations and visualizations to manifest my ideal relationship.

Twenty years later she arrived. Well worth the wait. Especially since during that time I was gradually developing into someone who could handle the joys, challenges, and soul lessons of a committed relationship.

Currently, I desire my work in the world to take off. I want more lucrative gigs as a speaker. I want my book to catch fire. These dreams are manifesting slower than my ego would like. Maybe I can learn something from Heinz. Maybe I can become my own spin doctor, prescribe for myself some new perspectives, and reframe things in a way that allows me to trade in my impatience for peace.

Scott's Drill Sergeant Ego: Work harder, dude! Pick up the pace! It's not a time to relax, trust, and enjoy the freakin' roses. This is a state of emergency, requiring a sense of urgency. It's time to freak out, push hard, blame the economy, blame yourself, freak out some more, and then push harder. That's the plan. Are you with me? I SAID, ARE YOU WITH ME, SOLDIER?

Scott's Higher Self: Whoa, soldier! At ease! Easy does it. This is peacetime. No war going on in your universe. It's safe to take it easy. The terror threat level is at zero. Whistle while you work, and have fun with it. There is a Divine Plan unfolding, and everything is in Perfect Order. You are making steady progress in putting out your work, building the field through YouTube and Facebook. Things are moving along nicely. You could equate it with the unhurried pace of a tortoise. And you live in a culture that distrusts and disdains tortoise medicine, that worships the speed of the hare. Rushing urgently is just the ego's frantic control trip, an attempt to overcompensate for an imaginary sense of unworthiness, and to win a race that does not exist. Drop the struggle and take your sweet time getting there. Avoid the rat race. The journey before you is precious, and even more delicious than whatever destination you are pining for. Remember the expression, Easy does it, Scott. Ease really does do it!

Ego: But I want it now! Show me the money, some juicy speaking gigs, and the book deal, and then I'll relax and take it easy.

Ahhh, the poor ego. Always upside down and upset about things. So glad I'm listening to a wiser guide these days, and putting first things first. Like peace.

I bet there's something you want from life that is coming out slower than you would like. You might even be worried it's not coming out at all. You might be telling a story about there being something wrong with you, or with life itself, for not delivering the ketchup.

Maybe, just maybe, all is unfolding as it should. Maybe the jewels of patience, persistence, and trust can only be uncovered through things not manifesting according to your ego's plan, and maybe those character traits are far more valuable to your soul than the quick fix, the instant manifestations. And maybe learning to be peaceful through life's inevitable ups and downs is the real gold we're after, worth more than all the money in the world.

Slowly is the New Holy!

Ketchup that comes out quickly is usually pretty watered down. And there is something about slow motion that is healing, especially in this day and age. High speed internet, wireless, cell phones, all the technology scrambles our nervous systems and makes chaos the new norm. And that makes slowly the new Holy! Anyone who has ever meditated longer than ten minutes knows the joy that comes when the heart rate and the thinking mind slow down enough to abide in stillness. There is a Heavenly sanctuary within all of us, brimming with splendor and overflowing with fulfillment. But it's not the express train that gets us there. It's the local track, enjoying all the stops along the way.

So, my fellow earth citizens, let's get up-to-speed with slowing down. Drop the rush and let ease set the pace. And remember, don't let politicians have a monopoly on spin. It's your life, and how you frame things makes all the difference between being in struggle or being at ease. So take spin into your own hands, and make peace with the slow ketchup in your life.

I'm Scott Grace, and I approved this message.


"Whatever the hell happens, say this is what I need. It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity. If you bring love to that moment, not discouragement, you will find the strength there. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes."

- Joseph Campbell, the Follow Your Bliss Man



Scott Grace is the author of Teach Me How To Love. He can be reached at www.scottsongs.com.

Jesus Appears on Letterman!

By Scott Grace

Ah, the holiday season is upon us, a time when Mother Nature draws us inward and Mother Culture draws us shopping. What will it be this year? Will you pass through the holidays unconsciously, in a frenzy of obligation, hurry and adrenaline, or will you let yourself slow down and take it easy like the rest of the natural world is doing at this time of year? I feel committed to staying attuned to the inward call of winter soulstice and the corresponding needs of my soul...to slow down the pace, nurture my beingness and replenish the well within. A close friend of mine has a birthday that is celebrated in December, although he was really born in July. He is somewhat of a celebrity, a cultural icon that most civilized folks know of, admire and sometimes feel intimidated by. He has been a regular in the supermarket tabloids for two thousand years, even before supermarkets were invented. I’ve noticed, like with many Hollywood stars, people make him out to be larger than life. They put him on a pedestal, somehow hoping that his life can save theirs, and like to fixate over the minute details of what he said and did. His stage name is Jesus, but his friends from the old neighborhood call him Jeshua Ben Joseph. The most famous role of his career has been Prince of Peace, Savior of the World. (When writing the script, the Director realized that the part was far too big to be given to just one, so he cast every human being to star equally in the role. Alas, most people are so convinced they’re not worthy of an audition, they don’t realize they got the part!) Jeshua, after retiring from show business in a glorious spectacle of emotion, now works tirelessly behind the scenes, whispering lines to the rest of the cast. He guides his fellow performers to choose peace over drama, love over stage fright, and comedy over tragedy. He nudges us, when we finally become willing to listen to a director other than our egos, to step into our appointed roles and play our parts to the max. Jeshua does not appreciate the Academy of Christianity giving him the Oscar year after year for Best Savior. He would much rather share the statue with Moses, Buddha, The Dalhi Lama, Oprah Winfrey, Robin Williams, me and you. And he would rather not have so much fuss made over him. In a recent and rare appearance on Letterman, Jeshua had this to say: “David, people get the wrong idea about me. I just want to give the world a Peace of my mind! That’s all. I didn’t ask for all these religions to spring up and make such a big deal of it all. I’m basically a simple, down-to-earth kind of guy. In fact, I came down to earth to spread joy! Just like everyone, I’ve had a few moments here and there on the cross, but I’ve laughed far more that I’ve suffered. Please tell those churches to take all those pictures of me off their walls. How would you like it if they framed you having a horrendous hair day and decided that was the image the world should remember you by? Oh, and another thing: if people want to celebrate my birthday, I’d like to see them giving each other more presence! Simply being present with an open heart is the greatest gift you can give another. Slow down, ease up on the material madness and get into the spirit of the holidays. And for Christ’s sake (literally speaking), lighten up! Life is too eternal to be taken seriously!” Thrilled that Jesus was speaking so freely, David encouraged him to continue. Jeshua got excited, “People think of me as not having political ties, but actually I’m quite politically active. I’m pro-choice, pro life, and anti-right. That’s right, anti-right! I want people, all people, to give up this business of being right and to focus on compassion. And another thing...” At that point David had to interrupt and break for some commercials. When they got back on the air Jeshua asked if he could have a minute for his own commercial. An 800 number flashed across the screen and Jesus explained that this was his new pager number, a modern way for humanity to call him up and fire away a question, concern or prayer. He can answer over ten billion calls at the same time! Explaining further, he said, “Traditional churches lead people to believe that to be close to me you have to pay money and have exclusive membership in their club. I want everyone to know it’s easier than you think. In fact, it’s what you think that makes it hard! Just try this: close your eyes, take some breaths, get quiet inside, and dial 1-800-ASK-JESUS. I’ll call you right back. Don’t worry, I’ve already got your number, and my dial-up speed is faster than DSL and cable combined. But you’ve got to believe you are worthy of having a connection with me. Otherwise, there will be too much static on your end, and there will appear to be a receiver off the hook. If that happens, remind yourself to open your heart to receiving, and repeat the call. If you ever get a busy signal, you are the one that’s too busy. As I’ve said once or twice before, I am with you always. And I can afford to keep my promises. I’m not running for anything!” Scott Grace plays golf with Jesus and bowls with Buddha. He would like to appear on Letterman someday, but for now appears at www.scottsongs.com